


i guess you scare me

by sovahn



Category: Raya and the Last Dragon (2021)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I'm Sorry, Not Really A Happy Ending, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 17:14:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30126138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sovahn/pseuds/sovahn
Summary: During the days where things slowed down, Namaari found that her thoughts would often wander to rest on Raya.Some years had passed. She was older, stronger. Less naive. Namaari had mostly stopped getting nightmares of the day the Druun was let loose, when she broke both trust and innocence too delicate for this world. Her mother had attempted to comfort her, telling her she was not to blame, that it was inevitable. Heart had paid for their selfishness with the destruction of their kingdom and the purging of the world. Fang, and the rest of Kumandra, had simply given them what they deserved. At least, that was what she was told to believe.Namaari was growing to be a fine leader to her people. She worked hard, never giving herself a moment to rest. Most, including the chieftess, saw this as raw dedication to Fang, even though the princess knew deep down it was an attempt to keep her from moments of doubt and regret threatening to drive her insane with her own guilt. She made sure to keep those true feelings deep down.But sometimes, those moments of shame and grief did come, and she let herself think.And then she would always awake gasping from that same nightmare the next night.
Relationships: Namaari & Raya (Disney), Namaari/Raya (Disney)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 68





	i guess you scare me

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my friend Matthew for his feedback and to Avalooon for beta reading.

From the moment Namaari spotted the other princess, she knew how hard it was going to be to forget her. 

Maybe it was the way she was able to stand up in front of all of broken Kumandra and address them without fear, or maybe it was the way the spark in her eyes spread across her whole face when she saw the carefully crafted Sisu necklace Namaari wore.

“Make sure you give something of yours to the chief’s daughter,” her mother had told her. “Solidify her trust in you.” Her eyes had drifted over to Namaari’s bedside desk. Her own followed her mother’s gaze obediently, still hopeful, innocent. “Perhaps that little dragon pendant of yours?” As hard as she tried, the young princess found she couldn’t stop the lump in her throat from forming. A protest threatened to spill out before her mother continued on.

“You’re too old for such fairy tales either way, it would be for the better if you got rid of it.” That was all. Her voice was final, dismissive. Law. And Namaari, even then, was bound by both loyalty and duty. 

“Yes, mother,” was all she said. The chieftess didn’t need to know the importance of fairy tales and the comfort they brought. She had seen enough of the world burn.

A small smile formed on her mother’s face. “Thank you, my morning mist.” She left the room soon after, leaving the gaping hole in Namaari to close slightly knowing her mother did care, did appreciate her.

The little time spent together that day was all it took for Namaari to forget about the plan, about her responsibilities to Fang and her mother, about anything other than the princess that hated formal clothing and that loved dragons and Sisu as much as Namaari herself did. Despite her better judgement and despite the part of her that still trembled fearfully when thinking what would become of her if her mother realized she had both stolen and showed her kingdom’s dragon scroll to her enemy, the reason the rest of the lands suffered while they prospered, Namaari couldn’t help but feel shivers run through her body as she spoke quietly of legends and hopes to Heart’s future chieftess. The rest of the world became unimportant, for once the stress of her responsibilities and expectations melting away, and Namaari knew in that moment that she wouldn’t want to go another day without feeling like this again.

And hope as she might’ve for the whole world to stop for her to live in this moment, with this new person, surrounded by things she’d never seen or smelled or tasted before, reminders of what was would always lurk in the shadows.

A quick flash of golden jewelry catching sun, shining into the corner of her eye, was all it took for her to remember her true purpose at this gathering, the only reason she was brought along. Namaari looked up to meet her mother’s stern gaze, a silent command held in the depths of her pupils. _Do what you’re told, or the fate of Fang will be doomed because of you._

Despite the roaring in her ears screaming at her to disobey, to deny her mother for the first and only time in her life, Namaari forced all doubt down as she shakily removed the necklace from where it rested. She found that she no longer was reluctant to part with the dragon pendant as the Heart princess’ hands cupped around it gently. 

Though, as always, Fang’s leader seemed to know what was needed to succeed. The metal necklace was all it took for the other girl to cave, grabbing Namaari’s hand and sneaking her off to where Heart kept the gem. Though the gem chamber was the most beautiful and wondrous place she’s ever seen, her duties whispered hypnotically at the back of her head. Her words came out crueler than she wished, fueled by the urge to destroy the burning in her chest and the obligation to fill the shoes her mother had set out for her. And even though she wished nothing more than to revisit that time and reverse her ways, Namaari did not remember the rest of what happened.

She only remembered the screams.

The terror clawing her throat.

The chaos.

The look of pure and utter betrayal.

And the regret.

* * *

During the days where things slowed down, Namaari found that her thoughts would often wander to rest on Raya.

Some years had passed. She was older, stronger. Less naive. Namaari had mostly stopped getting nightmares of the day the Druun was let loose, when she broke both trust and innocence too delicate for this world. Her mother had attempted to comfort her, telling her she was not to blame, that it was inevitable. Heart had paid for their selfishness with the destruction of their kingdom and the purging of the world. Fang, and the rest of Kumandra, had simply given them what they deserved. At least, that was what she was told to believe.

Namaari was growing to be a fine leader to her people. She worked hard, never giving herself a moment to rest. Most, including the chieftess, saw this as raw dedication to Fang, even though the princess knew deep down it was an attempt to keep her from moments of doubt and regret threatening to drive her insane with her own guilt. She made sure to keep those true feelings deep down.

But sometimes, those moments of shame and grief did come, and she let herself think.

And then she would always awake gasping from that same nightmare the next night.

* * *

When news of the stolen dragon scroll reached Namaari, she knew immediately who had taken it. While she knew the prospect of her enemy being alive and causing complications for them should've infuriated her, she found she couldn’t ignore how the emptiness in her heart filled ever so slightly. Namaari had been convinced that after years of being alone would’ve ended in the princess’ demise, and she had found that thought haunting her during sleepless nights. Never before had she been so eased by being proven wrong.

Of course, she would never admit to the relief she felt.

* * *

Raya had changed.

All the trust, the kindness, was gone from her dark amber eyes. She had grown in the past six years, her hair long and knotted and her clothes ripped and dirty. It was a stark contrast to the neatness that Namaari was used to, a person of organization and obedience, but she found she welcomed the difference. It reminded her of what the world had become because of her actions, and while that caused her stomach to start to eat her from the inside out, she felt as if it was deserved. It was only fair for her to feel the kind of pain she had caused others.

It took all Namaari had to stop herself from showing anything but hatred as she felt the urge to simply collapse at the sight of the kingdomless princess. Her presence, her standing there, breathing, _teasing_ Namaari, was a comfort that the warrior never knew she needed. The gnawing inside her slowed slightly with the knowledge that at least one person had been spared from the cruelty of the Druun.

But no one was allowed to know that.

* * *

Once she had encountered Raya at Spine, she was sure it would’ve been the end. She’d capture Raya, along with the gem pieces she had wrongfully come in possession of, and then…

Well, Namaari didn’t know what would happen next.

She didn’t want to think of the punishments that would befall Raya.

And despite the thought of Raya being hurt more than she had already been at the hands of Fang disturbed her, Namaari had still fought her with unmatched savagery in hopes of calming her mind, to sever whatever connection she seemed to have with Raya.

The result only came with bruised, bloody knuckles, and a nightmare she was all too familiar with.

* * *

She had kept the pendant. 

_Why did she keep the pendant?_

After everything Namaari has done, after the things she’s broken, after all the hurt she’s caused, _why?_

Her fingers had traced the smooth metal, no longer containing the detailed fur carvings after years of being rubbed down, while she weighed her options. She needed her mother’s approval for the plan to work, and Namaari knew she would never agree to such a plan.

Namaari let her eyes drift lazily, only for them to rest on something sparkling in the faint moonlight on her desk. The small hair ring Raya had worn all at the gathering at Heart that felt like a lifetime ago lay in the same spot she used to keep the Sisu necklace. Like the pendant, the markings on it had been worn down to a smooth surface. How so much has changed since it had been last used properly.

A flare shot up into the night.

* * *

Her mother, skeptical and cautious as always, took a long time to win over.

“This isn’t some sort of game, Namaari,” she had said. The shadows danced across the chieftess’ face, only then revealing the bags beneath her eyes.

“I know, mother, but we could end this. We could save the world!” Namaari protested, gripping the Sisu necklace in a hidden hand. Her mother sighed.

“There is no _world_ to save.” Her mother’s gaze drifted out to the land beyond the water surrounding them, bits of purple lapping hungrily at the shores. “Not anymore.”

They stood in silence for a while, the chieftess too tired to say more, Namaari too lost in misplaced hope to find the right words.

“What if there was a way to get the dragon to help us? If we could get Raya and the dragon on our side, we could-”

“Raya won’t be necessary,” Fang’s leader interrupted.

“...What?”

“She has caused nothing but torment to us.” Her mother wandered slowly over to a line of weaponry she kept tucked neatly away in a corner, accessible if necessary, but out of the way. She picked up a crossbow, twirling an arrow absently between her fingers. Realization of what she would be expected to do hit Namaari as she felt her breath hitch as her lungs seemed to collapse in on themselves.

“If the lost princess of Heart doesn’t give us the gems and the dragon, make her.”

* * *

Twice. That’s how many times Namaari had betrayed Raya. This time, Namaari paid the same price Raya had suffered through the first time, with her home destroyed and her only family turning to stone.

Though, few things changed. As before, Namaari ran. Ran from what she’s done. Ran from Raya.

Only now, Raya chased her.

Only now, they fought more viciously than before.

Only now, Raya tried to kill her.

* * *

Yet she still trusted her.

Namaari watched as Raya died, stepping into the hands of the Druun, putting it all into Namaari’s hands. She watched as the boy and the Spine warrior and the baby she barely knew, people who blamed _her_ for the carnage surrounding them, following the princess who had no right to trust Namaari, yet she did.

And in her doubt, her fear, her grief, her guilt, Namaari almost ran.

Almost.

* * *

She had failed.

The gem’s power was gone because she, _she,_ had murdered Sisu. The world would stay broken, cold and dead as the rock its people had become. And as she looked at Raya one last time, her enemy and the closest thing she had had to a friend, she feared that if the Druun gave her enough time, the last bit of water left in their world would come from her.

* * *

Months had passed since then. Kumandra was whole once more, its people gathered in what used to be Heart as the world learned to live side-by-side. Each of the chiefs, or at least of the ones who still lived, had united to rebuild their home. The chaos was something Namaari was not used to, but that change lived absently in the corner of her thoughts. She had a more daunting problem in front of her, in the form of an infuriatingly beautiful princess with a wit sharp enough to cut herself on.

Once the general confusion had settled and their story was shared, life around Namaari had sped up. She was drowning in work, from rebuilding to paperwork to leading search parties. The majority of her time was spent about, away from the crowds and the people.

In particular, away from Raya.

She had an apt understanding that their relationship was contentious at best. While the other princess had put her faith in her and was keen on befriending Namaari, she found that it, and the feelings that came with Raya, were overwhelming. She didn’t understand a single thing she felt, despite the sheer amount of times Sisu had forced something out of her.

“You guys saved the world! You both have your families and people back, the dragons are back, everything is good!” Sisu had said, exasperated. They had this conversation almost weekly at this point, with Namaari wallowing in shame, and Sisu trying her best to change the warrior princess’ mind, to no avail. This particular time she sat in Namaari’s makeshift home, which was in the form of a sturdy yurt built close to Heart’s old castle. Fang, and Namaari’s old room with it, had been destroyed and abandoned for the most part. The last salvage mission to the artificial island had been overseen by the chieftess herself and effectively concluded weeks ago. It was a struggle to fit the entirety of her snake-like body in it.

“But _I_ was the one who broke the world,” Namaari cried back at her. “ _I_ was the one who started it all.” She paused to look down at her hands. “I hurt Raya.”

Sisu looked at her sympathetically, shifting a little closer to bump against her. 

“But that’s over now. Raya forgave you. She _trusts_ you, Namaari. She knows you didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” Sisu softened a little. “ _I_ know you didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

“I don’t deserve this, though. I deserve to rot and burn until even the Druun wouldn’t want to take me.” Her voice threatened to crack with each word she spoke as tears formed in her eyes. Sisu could almost hear her heart breaking.

“Hey, look at me,” Sisu said. Namaari took a deep breath before gazing up at the dragon. Even though they’ve spent so much time together, Namaari didn’t think she would ever be able to meet Sisu’s eyes without bits of wonder and awe swirling through her. However, this time, more than ever, she struggled to hold her gaze.

“You’ve made mistakes in the past, but you’ve _learned_. You’re not the same person anymore. I know it, so do the people of Kumandra. So does Raya. The only person left to accept that is you.” With those words, Sisu left, leaving Namaari to stare absently at her hands once again.

What Sisu failed to realize, however, was the small hair ring that lay in them.

* * *

“Why did you want to meet me here?” Namaari asked tentatively. Raya stood in front of her, basically bouncing with excitement, one of her annoyingly endearing smirks painted across her face. The Heart princess had almost dragged her from her duties in an attempt to get her to relax. Though for Namaari, meeting up secretly with her enemy-turned-friend was exactly the last choice of ideas to help her unwind, especially considering they were in none other than the destroyed gem chamber.

Sisu’s gem had been rightfully returned to the dragons, who kept it hidden away in the clouds. While most people were unwilling to part with what had been the last remnant of hope humanity had kept from the dragons, Namaari found she had no such issue. In contrast, she was relieved it was far away from the destructive hands of humans.

Far away from her.

While a forced break from her responsibilities by Raya was not uncommon, they had mostly spent it out in public, in a field, where they would spar. They were equally matched, with Raya’s speed and Namaari’s strength complimenting each other well.

After a few matches, they both started to get a feel for their fighting styles. Namaari preferred to rely more on punching than kicking, fighting with closed fists. Raya, on the other hand, used her limbs more equally and fought with her hands open, ready to grab her opponent and use their strengths against them. Their bouts attracted viewers of all kinds, intrigued and amazed by their raw power and skill.

At first, Namaari had been nervous at the prospect of fighting Raya again. The thought of hurting her again was a constant throbbing worry in her mind. Eventually, after much conviction from Raya that she would tell her if it was too much, Namaari had reluctantly agreed to spar.

Their first match had been slow, with both holding back, one out of fear, one out of patience and respect. After a few rounds of careful dancing, Namaari had finally let herself let loose and was met with eager enthusiasm and competitiveness from the other princess.

Now, instead of a grassy clearing lined with a few miscellaneous weapons and bandages prepared for emergencies, a rough blanket covered with two bowls of Boun’s special shrimp congee with a small bowl of rice set next to each covered the floor. Raya’s cooking had slightly improved, having ditched her dried fruit for some of her father’s recipes. Namaari could clearly recall the pride on Raya’s face as she held up a bowl for her to try, the former Heart chief and the young boy looking relieved as Raya finally had finished. The stew was nothing spectacular, but Namaari had still tried her best to savour each bite.

“I prepared this specially for you,” Raya boasted. “Well, maybe Boun helped a little with the congee, but the rest was all me,” she added on quickly. Namaari chuckled slightly as she felt a calm warmth spread across her cheeks.

“You didn’t have to do this,” she said. “We could’ve just sparred as usual.”

“Well, I wanted to do something to celebrate.” Raya flopped down on the blanket and stretched herself out in a very improper manner. Although she had rejoined normal society a while ago, old habits from years alone by herself died hard. “You know it’s been a year since the Druun has been gone, _dep la_?”

The pet name still made Namaari’s stomach flutter, but she pushed it down. She shouldn’t be feeling that, especially after what she’s done. Thinking of Raya that way was nothing short of despicable. She should forget it now. Having those emotions come into play was too much, considering how she had a sinking feeling Raya would rather be anywhere else with anyone else than stuck with a traitor like Namaari.

“I hadn’t realized,” she replied quietly. Had it really been that long?

“I know, it’s hard to believe,” Raya said, almost a bit sadly. “It still feels like we’ve barely fixed anything, yet we’ve had so much time.” She gazed up at Namaari, finding that the Fang princess could suddenly not meet her eyes.

“B-but we’ve made a lot of progress!” Raya continued. She could tell how Namaari was starting to blame herself again. The walls she had spent so much time carefully taking apart suddenly were building themselves up again. “We’re united as Kumandra, a-and everyone is safe, the dragons are back, the Druun is gone, and, and…” Namaari hung her head, unresponsive to Raya’s reassurances, and she trailed off when she saw the words failed to meet their mark.

“Yet none of this would need to be fixed if I hadn’t…” Namaari tried to continue but found that the lump in her throat blocked the rest.

“The world would still be broken if none of that happened. We _needed_ to come together. If things were to change, we would still be fighting over the gem, and the dragons would still be gone,” Raya told her gently. Standing up from where she sat, she took Namaari’s hand in her own, laying her palm flat on top of hers.

“I’ve been meaning to return this to you for a while,” she said, her voice so soft and low Namaari could barely hear her. A small weight was placed on her hand, and when Raya moved her hand back, Namaari saw that the dragon pendant, even smoother and dirtier than before, rested in her palm.

“I- I thought it was lost in Fang,” she stuttered.

“I went back for it,” Raya admitted, her face reddening slightly. “It meant too much to me to lose it forever.”

Namaari stared at the necklace before looking up to meet Raya’s eyes.

“But why did you keep it? After everything I did, after everything that happened, why?” Namaari forced out, her voice threatening to break with every breath, every word.

“I don’t know, but I know I would’ve never been able to part with it. Despite it all, despite everything that happened, I still missed my friend.” 

As hard as Namaari wished to believe her, to believe that even after she caused the death of thousands, including Raya’s father, she still was never hated by Raya. In a panic, she searched Raya’s gaze, but to her dismay, she found no hint of lies. There was only a delicate vulnerability, one that Namaari had not seen since they had first met seven years ago.

“You…” The pit blocking Namaari’s lungs broke, and a tear slid down.

“I forgive you, Namaari. I forgave you long ago. Now I am ready to prove it.”

Raising her hands from where they were wrapped around Namaari’s to cup her cheeks, Raya stood up a little taller, bringing Namaari’s face down with her. And though Namaari knew she was supposed to close her eyes, she couldn’t find the strength in her to.

Namaari didn’t know what to expect, but it definitely wasn’t this.

When Raya’s lips met hers, she could’ve sworn it felt like being turned to stone all over again. It was deathly quiet yet deafeningly loud, with Namaari’s ears roaring, her mind screaming at her, her heart both stopping and beating too fast. All she could do was stand in shock, her eyes wide open, her chest tight. It felt as if the whole world could burn around her in that moment, and she wouldn’t know until it was too late. She didn’t know what this feeling was, what this meant for them, but even as her head was filled with horrified shrieking and cries, she heard none of what was said.

The moment broke as easily as a gem did, all those years ago, in this same chamber, as the pendant fell from Namaari’s hand.

Raya pulled away, and Namaari could only stare.

For Raya had kissed her, and she had kissed back.

And for the second time in her life, she ran from the chamber.

Only this time, she could not look back.

**Author's Note:**

> This is purely a vent fic of me projecting my own struggles onto Namaari. I believe that the idea of someone liking her just feels so alien to her that she would be scared. Scared of what she’s feeling. Scared of what she’s not feeling. Scared of everything new. Scared of what Raya is feeling. Scared of Raya.  
> She doesn’t know if that’s what love feels like. She doesn’t know what it’s supposed to feel like at all. She doesn’t think she feels how she’s supposed to. She doesn’t know if she can even feel it.  
> Thank you for reading. Please take care of yourself and stay safe. Please remember that you are loved, even if you don’t think so, and you can love others, even if you don’t think so.  
> And it’s okay to be scared.


End file.
